This is by far the lamest "Grumpy Old Men" sequel yet.
There were many ways I could kick off this review. Considering the Middle East setting and the Jimmy Choo pump infatuation, I was thinking of a good "shoe bomb" pun. (Too predictable.) Or perhaps a cheap shot likening Sarah Jessica Parker to a parched two-humped camel. (Too likely to cause a PETA fracas.)
So I invoked the corpses of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau – God rest their souls – and a marginally entertaining ‘90s movie franchise that was a precursor to the first Viagra commercial. I’ll apologize on the other side.
"Sex and the City 2" is a 146-minute romp around the world that has the ladies sharing girl time, soaking in Abu Dhabi decadence, and battling their own inner demons. The problem is that like a third slice of cheesecake or fourth tummy tuck, it’s completely unnecessary.
We begin in New York, as Carrie (Parker), Samantha (Kim Cattrall), Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) are navigating through the landmines of domestic life and advancing years: Feeling like an old married couple, fooling menopause with hummus and yams, worrying a busty Irish nanny will steal her man, and facing a big bad wolf of a boss – in that order.
But the problem with this scenario is that while real gal pals like to discuss which "SITC" ladies they’re most like, the real allure of the HBO show was that these women are nothing like most of us. The shopping binges, Cosmo benders and posh party hopping were a once-a-week escape for bank tellers who bought designer knock-offs at Marshalls and shared glasses of boxed White Zinfendal at Ruby Tuesdays. Similarly, we men didn’t watch Tony Soprano for marriage advice – we wanted our office to be in a strip club and to hold Desert Eagle in our own hands.
My wife, who marginally liked the movie, said that the filmmakers probably had the ladies follow Samantha on a press junket to the "New Middle East" hot spot hotel because "they had nowhere else to go" after the first flick, which came out two years ago. Maybe that explains writer / Director Michael Patrick King’s desperate movie Mapquesting.
It might also explain the other diversions, like a huge Connecticut gay wedding blow-out with Mario Cantone and Willie Garson’s characters and presided over by Liza Manelli – although it’s the movie’s first and best act. After all these set pieces are a chance to work in the fashion and fun the series was known for. Other moves are more desperate – such as the Aidan sighting or Samantha’s forced sexy puns (Lawrence of My Labia – really?!)
"Sex and the City" was a witty, cutting-edge show that was captivating because of its characters and big city backdrop. But the movies are more akin to the paint-by-numbers shows they tried so hard not to be. Heck, they might as well call this final sequel "Five and a Half men" – that’s including Mr. Big.
"Sex and the City 2," rated R and checking in at 146 minutes, is now playing nationwide. Mike gives the movie one and a half out of four stars.
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