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Holiday Movie Preview

It's the epitome of perfect timing: The same time of year we're cloistered with unbearable relatives, attending awkward holiday parties and nursing hangovers from the activities we partook in to ease both these burdens, there is a also ton of cool new stuff to watch and help us get through it all.

And if I'm visited by three ghosts for saying that, I hope I at least get the ones from "The Muppet Christmas Carol." I feel like I can take them in a fight.

Because holiday movies are admittedly pleasant diversions even when they're bad, we're able to be a bit more forgiving. (That's why Vince Vaughn gets a free pass for "Fred Claus." It never happened.)

Below we break down a selective look at some of the holiday fare on our radar, from Oscar wannabes to Hallmark Channel fluff so bad that everyone who's ever received a birthday card deserves reparations.

Deck the marquee

These movies are hitting the big screen this season…and hoping companies too destitute to give real bonuses are at least handing out movie tickets.

"The Day the Earth Stood Still"

Details: Out 12/12, Rated PG-13, Starring Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly

Quick take: While Keanu plays intergalactic messenger Klaatu in the remake of this 1951 sci-fi classic, the CGI effects are the likely real star. Big-budget tales of alien insurrection usually do well on the big screen, unless they're directed by Tim Burton and star Jim Brown. Yes, I'm looking at you, "Mars Attacks!" whose only redeeming quality is that the excitable aliens sound like a climaxing Hillary Clinton…at the lectern, of course.



"Yes Man"

Details: Out 12/19, Rated PG-13, Starring Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel

Quick take: Was this movie secretly shot 25 years ago? Jokes about Red Bull and phony motivational parodies? Really? Is there a montage on Cabbage Patch doll fever?! Carrey slightly tweaks the "Liar Liar" gimmick and promises family-friendly laughs for any family that actually found the "TGIF" TV block funny circa 1989.



"The Mysterious Case of Benjamin Button"

Details: Out 12/25, Rated   PG-13, Starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett

Quick take: David Fincher and Brad Pitt team up for the third time, but this tale of a man aging backward promises a major departure from what the tandem produced in "Se7en" and "Fight Club." Based on an F. Scott Fitzgerald story, our boy Benjamin is able to turn back time without Botox shots in a Super 8 in Buenos Aires or Cherr karaoke. Bad jokes aside, this will be good.



"Valkyrie"

Details: Out 12/25, Rated PG-13, Starring Tom Cruise and Bill Nighy

Quick take: Fact – Tom Cruise wears an eye patch in this movie about a plot to assassinate Hitler because L. Ron Hubbard was playing pinball in his shiny spaceship somewhere near Jupiter, lost a ball and plucked out his disciple's eyeball as a replacement. It happens; no big deal. Apparently John Travolta was the first choice, but couldn't be reached because he ate his phone. Matter Lauer will be releasing the big scoop in full any day now. As for the movie, the release date has been bumped forward many times, which can often be a bad thing. But don't bet against Cruise when he's back into a corner.



"Marley & Me"

Details: Out 12/25, Rated PG, Starring Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston

Quick take: Sometimes Hollywood throws the whole family a bone. And this light and easy tale about a troublesome family dog means that tough-skinned dudes no longer have to lie about reading John Grogan's best-selling book. We'll just say we saw the movie. Ha!

From the big screen to your screen

DVDs make great gifts for the person you know nothing about other than the fact they (probably) own a DVD player.

"The Dark Knight"

Details: Now available, Rated PG-13, Starring Christian Bale and Heath Ledger

Quick take: What's left to say about Ledger's tragic Joker turn and the massive box office take led by Christopher Nolan and Co. But since we're talking about DVDs, is this cerebral thriller really more worthy of repeat watching than some of Joel Schumacher's campier efforts? Ledger is amazing to watch, but Dr. Freeze's ridiculous one-liners are always enjoyable car crashes… "Ice to meet you!"



"Mama Mia"

Details: Out Dec. 16, Rated PG-13, Starring Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried

Quick take: Will Abba ever exit stage left from our Zeitgeist? And who doesn't like a good show tune? Or 43 of them? Maybe my own personal wedding planning and past high school performance as Benny South Street in "Guys & Dolls" has clouded my judgment, but "Mama Mia" is a decent addition to any film library.



"Mystery Science Theater 3000: 20th Anniversary Edition"

Details: Available now, Not Rated, Starring Joel Hodgson and Mike Nelson

Quick take: Twenty years after premiering, one of the best and most inventive shows of the past few decades is almost as forgotten as the awful sci-fi flops it would parody and rip upon. The box set includes a sweet lunchbox case and a four-part history of the series, tracing its journey from a late-night offering on local cable in Minnesota to its stint on Comedy Central. It's one of the few sci-fi projects that dorks and non-dorks alike can love.



Made-for-TV cheese

Apparently, mushy writers who can't hack it penning Hallmark greeting cards are instead allowed to write entire original movies for the Hallmark cable channel. And while this tradition of bad made-for-TV holiday movies swells each year, there's no worse offender than the company that also makes Administrative Assistant Day cards. If you haven't seen the parade of has-beens (and never-will-be's) headlining this small screen fluff, don't say you weren't warned. For starters, Hallmark will soon be airing "Out First Christmas," a tale of conflicting holiday traditions starring "Cheers" John Ratzenberger. All you need to know about this debacle is that the promotional shot features Santa Claus wearing a referee costume. (We can only hope and pray that "Cheers" mailman Cliff gets a two-minute minor for binge drinking and drunk-dialing Norm on Christmas Eve.)



If that's not enough, try on "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year," boasting the thespians Henry Winkler and Brooke Burns (aka, Arthur Fonzarelli and the girl Bruce Willis used to date). This is a tale of a single mom turned Scrooge who finds love via snow storm. We predict the drama to be on par with seeing what happens when you turn the snow globe upside down.

Our advice: Watch "Christmas Story" for the 37th time or "Scrooged" with the volume turned down and try to recite the entire Bill Murray movie aloud verbatim. Either that, or turn the TV off and watch the live family drama unfold in front of you.