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Week of Fortune

Sagittarius -- November 22 to December 21

 

It's time you wrote a novel. Gabriel Garcia Marquez spends months on a first paragraph; after that everything falls into place. Try working on the ending first, you ain't no Marquez.

 

Capricorn -- December 22 to January 1

 

Did you know that Samoset, the first Indian the Pilgrims met at Plymouth, greeted them in English? He asked them for beer. You may use this anecdote to pitch woo to a member of the opposite sex. Remember, it's all in the delivery.

 

Aquarius -- January 20 to February 18

 

The Buddha said that sorrow is the universal condition of mankind. But that didn't stop him from having fun, so it shouldn't stop you either. You ain't no enlightened one.

 

Pisces -- February 19 to March 20

 

A person from your past, a dark presence who brought nothing to your life but chaos, strife and grief, will suddenly reappear and steal something precious from you. How you handle this situation will dictate how things go for the next several weeks.

 

Aries -- March 21 to April 19

 

The ancient Greek philosopher Democritus, who first posited the idea of atoms, once said, "Nothing can come into being from that which is not nor pass away into that which is not." From nothing can come nothing, in other words. So get off your tuckus, and start giving back to the universe. Look what it's done for you.

 

Taurus -- April 20 to May 20

 

You have brought nothing but chaos, strife and grief to the life of those who love you. Now, one last sin, you will steal something precious from a person who stood by you even when you didn't deserve it. How do you think Buddha, the Pilgrims and the Greek philosopher Democritus would view this? You have a lot to atone for, get busy.

 

Gemini -- May 21 to June 21

 

What are you thankful for? What do you have to complain about? Compare and contrast. No more pissing and moaning, things could be worse.

 

Cancer -- June 22 to July 22

 

Did you ever stop to think that how you feel is more important than how you look? Heresy you say? Well, you can have it both ways by changing your diet, exercising and reading the Pali canon.

 

Leo -- July 23 to August 22

 

Are secrets burning a hole in the lining of your stomach? Open a new gmail account. Then, on a community bulletin board, say at work or at your church, post an anonymous confession making sure to change names to protect the innocent, and include the gmail address. Who knows, it might help.

 

Virgo -- August 23 to September 22

 

When is the last time you felt joy? Joy, by the way, is not the absence of miserable, but a state of elation brought about by a recognition that one is alive and part of this world. Now, when is the last time you felt glad to be alive?

 

Libra -- September 23 to October 22

 

There is a honky-tonk in your soul pard, on the jukebox is George Jones and Buck Owens and you're drinking whiskey on shaved ice. You wearing a new hat and old boots and you just espied a lovely someone through the smoke. Hitch up those pants and go ask her to dance. Your soul will thank you.

 

Scorpio -- October 23 to November 21

 

You got laid off. Bills are piling up. You are depressed. You feel like shit, you look worse. What are you going to do? Look, you aren't getting any younger. What have you always wanted to do, but never had the time for? Hanging out at the public library during the day does not qualify, think harder.