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Crocodile Mile

Toward the end of "Australia," you half expect a bloodied and battered Ben Affleck to be running shirtless in slow motion while an Aerosmith ballad blasts forth like cover fire from above.

Hopefully Fosters beer won't sue, but it's true: Baz Luhrmann is Australian for Michael Bay. The down under director known for an uncanny fusing of music and movies in the likes of "Moulin Rouge" and "Romeo + Juliet" has borrowed heavily from Bay's "Pearl Harbor" attack plan.

Luckily, Luhrmann's "Australia" is a little less schmaltzy. A little less revisionist history. A little less Afflecky.

Part   of the reason the two movies have so much in common is that's they're semi-historical dominos living side by side; the Japanese raided the Australian port of Darwin after ravaging Pearl Harbor. But the greater parallel is that these history backgrounds serve as mere window dressing for grandiose love stories.

Our two lovers are Lady Ashley (Nicole Kidman), a British shrew who heads to Australia to convince her husband to sell a floundering cattle farm. And then there's Drover (Hugh Jackman), a bristly alpha male cattle herder who might as well be drinking buddies with Crocodile Dundee and Indiana Jones. These types of movies have proven that one-dimensional opposites attract, especially when that the love is lubed up by a kid.

The kid in "Australia" is Nullah, played by 12-year-old Australian Aboriginal Brandon Walters. Nullah does more than serve as the glue between our well-to-do lady and steely suitor. He also serves as Luhrmann's symbolic offering to appease the sins of Australia's storied segregationist past. Nullah, who plays a mixed race boy lost in the outback, struggles to find his place in society until he meets our heros.

Luhrmann's nearly three-hour epic has three distinct acts, beginning with introductions of sorts, transitioning into a long, harrowing cattle drive led by Lady Ashley and Drover, and finishing with everyone's new peaceful lives interrupted by war. And it's all tied together nicely with an oft-repeated   "Wizard of Oz" motif and bad buy friction provided by rival cattle ranchers, who are played by Bryan Brown and David Wenham. Baz admittedly barely finished editing his ambitious national epic, and this first act seems to suffer the most with uneven pacing and choppy cuts. But once "Australia" seduces you with stunning vistas, big budget effects and attractive stars in pretty costumes, it's easy to give in. Until, that is, you look at your watch.

Luhrmann crafts his flawed masterpiece into an overambitious, over-produced Disney ride that's at times playful, always predictable, but boasts more toe tags than old Walt would approve of. "Australia" is better than "Pearl Harbor." (Don't worry Aussies, it's also better than "Crocodile Dundee" and "Kangaroo Jack.") But it's no "Gone with the Wind" – and given the massive $130-million budget and four-year-shoot, bloated hype and Oscar hopes – that's probably a problem.