Dating Dead-Ends and Traffic Jams
The Fan is not exactly the quietest borough in Richmond, but I like it that way. There are always noises of some sort coming from all over the place. Dogs bark at walkers and runners, sticking their little black noses under the wooden fences to try and get a peek of “who goes there.” Children squeal and giggle on the playground at Fox Elementary School. Drunk twentysomethings stumble out of Metro at last-call, screaming out incoherently, “Late night at my house! I have a case of Natty! And, omigod!! We HAVE to order Chanello’s!” Horn-beeping at four-way stops, musicians playing guitar on their front porches, house parties blaring music on every corner. There’s always a flurry of activity and noise in the Fan, but all of that hustle and bustle contributes to its innate charm.
Lately, though, the Fan has been inundated with construction, a project that has seemingly lasted an eternity. Not only is the construction noisy, it’s also quite inconvenient. There have been countless times where I have had to leap over cumbersome hoses littering the sidewalks or pulled three consecutive U-turns because of blockaded streets. Big yellow bulldozers occupy high-demand parking spots on our crowded little streets. When taking my dog, Millie, on her morning walk, she jumps in terror from the ear-piercing racket of the jackhammers. And don’t even get me started on the cat-calling.
All of the frustration and annoyance associated with the construction got me thinking about dating dead-ends and true-love traffic patterns. I’ve observed many of my friends (myself included) continue to go down the same blocked road and get into the same dating accidents over and over again. When will we learn to come to a full stop, take the alternate route, and look before we leap?
It seems that many of us end up driving around in circles, single, because we keep repeating the same mistake over and over again in our dating lives. Here are three common True Love Traffic Violations and how to avoid them!
1. Failure To Come to a Full Stop
After the first date, one of the biggest things to avoid is over-eagerness. While you may think you’re coming off as sunny and breezy, in actuality you may be coming off as desperate and annoying.
Try to exercise some patience and willpower after a first date. A friendly, simple text message saying you enjoyed your evening is perfectly acceptable. A five minute voicemail, poke on Facebook, drive-by their house is absolutely not.
Stop. Take a breath. Play it as cool as you can. If there is mutual interest, you will hang out again. If there’s not, over-eagerness is only going to lead to you being the inspiration for a lot of jokes (and a possible restraining order).
2. Reckless Driving
Try and keep your speed down when it comes to hooking up in the early stages. A controversial subject to be sure, but hopping in the sack too soon is typically not the first step to a lasting relationship.
Sleeping together after the first date has put the kibosh on many a would-be relationship. With obvious exception, the possibility of a long-term future together goes way down when first-date nookie happens.
Though the correlation between sleeping together on the first night and the end of a would-be relationship may not be as strong as we all assume, it’s better to be safe than sorry. There’s no harm in taking your time!
3. Driving Too Fast on One-Way Street:
I have seen too many of my friends drop everything for a new guy before it even gets serious. They stop dating (or even flirting!) with other people, cancel plans with friends to accommodate New Guy’s schedule, and completely alter their likes and interests to fit his.
This is a cardinal sin in the dating world and should be avoided at all costs. You should always keep your own interests and your independence, and until the word “commitment” is on the horizon, you should keep your options open.
My friend C. calls this an “insurance plan.” Instead of putting all of your eggs in one basket, so to speak, you get to juggle a bunch of different people and learn what you really want and need out of a relationship and partner. Have fun with dating! It shouldn’t be serious until you’re in something serious.
There will always be road-blocks, potholes and dead-ends on the path to Lasting Love, and we’re all constantly under construction. But if you do hit a dating dead-end, don’t panic. Put yourself in reverse, turn around, and remember there’s no rush to reach your destination. Dating should be like a leisurely Sunday drive: pleasant, enjoyable and only occasionally do you run into a traffic jam. That’s when you roll down the windows, turn up the music, and wait it out. You’ll start moving again in no time.
Caroline is a 25-year-old single girl living in the Fan. She works in PR for a non-profit by day and moonlights as Richmond.com's dating columnist. To learn more about Caroline visit http://carolinesplate.com, on Twitter @carolinesplate, or you can most likely find her out in the Fan on a Friday night.
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