"5 Questions with a Foodie" is our new column in which we chat with a local foodie. This time: it’s the anti-foodie, Café Darkness, a local blogger who writes about her disdain for foodies.
About Café Darkness:
Café Darkness is a local blogger who hates foodies, babies and being cold. She likes unicorns, irony and Twitter. When she’s not making fun of people on the Internet, you can find her making it rain in the club.
How do you define the term foodie and do you consider yourself one?
I would define a foodie as someone who incessantly talks about food, which in turn makes me want to claw my eyes out. Foodies also really enjoy ceviche—allegedly. I am not sure what ceviche is, but from what I have gathered, it is very important to them. Considering the only meal I’ve prepared in the past year is Kraft macaroni and cheese and peanut butter on a spoon, I am not so much a foodie, but someone who eats when they are hungry and doesn’t drive everyone around them completely insane talking about how they spent their weekend pickling radishes and roasting their own espresso beans.
If you could pick the best components of a few Richmond restaurants to create one super fabulous restaurant, what would they be?
Since I prefer smoking like a lady, in-of-doors, it would definitely allow smoking, like Joe’s Inn in the Fan. The smoking also keeps the children away, which is an added bonus. Screaming children ruin a meal faster than undercooked chicken. I would also prefer a place that will not judge me when I ask if I can have a side of ranch with my pizza, like Chanello’s at 3 a.m. I also enjoy a hefty pour of wine, which I always manage to receive from Republic and deLux. (Knowing the bartenders helps).
How did you get into food and cooking?
It’s weird. I call it "being alive." In order to stay this way, I have to eat food and drink water. I wouldn’t call what I do "cooking," but rather "ordering takeout." I also enjoy 7-Eleven hot dogs and cheesy poufs.
If I were to ask your significant other or best friend what your worst "foodie" trait is, what would they say?
Probably my most annoying trait is my tendency to forget to eat dinner and then repeatedly ask if we can order pizza and/or cheese sticks later in the evening.
Describe your perfect meals for one full day.
If I were going to actually eat three full meals, which happens never, I suppose I would start the day off with a bangin’ breakfast sandwich. Nine on Four makes a delicious artery-clogging breakfast sandwich. It will keep you full for hours. If I have to eat lunch (which I would not, because I would still be super full), I would eat a yummy steak and cheese sub from Steak and Fry Company, which is sadly no longer in the Regency food court. The mere thought of eating dinner after all of that food is super gross, but if I must, then I would like some tacos with extra cheese and sour cream from Su Casa, please.
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