3:10 to Yummy

Café Gutenberg makes a wicked good brunch.

Fractious by nature, mornings amplify my irritability until I’ve consumed a press pot of French roast. It isn’t until lunchtime that my inner tiger, quelled by coffee, turns to kitten mode. In case you didn’t know, kittens like cream, salmon and sunlight—and of these all things are found at Café Gutenberg, located in Shockoe Bottom, adjacent to the Farmers’ Market and the Amtrak station.

The trains whistle by the upstairs dining room with a view—the sound of them leaving me as satisfied as a feline dining on songbird. In plain speak, Sunday brunch, accompanied by an illy espresso, is damn good here.

Recently, Gutenberg expanded their hours to include lunch on weekdays, where, in addition to a gourmet hamburger or Asia-influenced tofu sandwich, you can sample the Saturday and Sunday brunch menu.

I suggest you do.

The pumpkin Belgian waffles with homemade whipped cream, $7.95, are dense and taste of what they are—pumpkin, real pumpkin—not too sweet, not too much baking spice, plenty of rich, squashy, pumpkin essence. This is one gourd I wish I ate more of, instead of offering it up as a sacrifice at Halloween.

Any mention of Café Gutenberg and someone will say they have an incredible signature dish. The corncakes, lox and eggs, $10, is that dish. The pillow-top corn cakes have just a touch of sweetness to them, and the salty smoked fish, dotted with capers and topped with two perfect scrambled eggs are as good as it gets in the Bottom. How a restaurant cooks eggs is telling: These eggs whisper in my pillow-marked ear, "Let’s take this plate and go back to bed before the next forkful of cream cheese. It is brunch after all … A bite or two of decadence won’t kill."

But, the making of a good brunch place and the making of a good lunch place involve two different sets of criteria. Brunch needs to come fast and be kid-friendly, offer highchairs and kiddie cups pronto (they do)—and then not be rushed. Adults want to read the paper. While lunch needs to start and end quickly—there’s work to do.

So, the question I had when I went back to Gutenberg for lunch was this: Can I get in and out of this place in 45 minutes?

On two occasions, with a full downstairs dining room, the answer was yes. The first time, I ordered the grass-fed Gutenburger, $13, and it came out in 10 minutes, cooked medium, per request, on a Flour Garden roll. The beef was juicy and rosy inside, as good grass-fed beef will be, even when cooked to medium. The house-made salt and pepper fries, piled to the beams, were intriguing—peppery, firm and character driven, like the dialogue in a Hitchcock flick—The Lunch Vanishes.

Next time, we decided to try some of the vegan and vegetarian offerings, which make up about a quarter of Café Gutenberg’s menu.

The vegan Caesar, $8.25, a tangle of romaine with zippy hearts of palm and grilled Twin Oaks tofu, dressed with a lemon-caper dressing, was on time. My consort’s mock duck rooster sandwich, $8.50, crispy seitan dressed with Sriracha, lettuce, cucumber and mayo was a filling, whistle-stop of a lunch. Both dishes were out in 15 minutes and gone in sixty seconds. That Friday lunch, we were both hurried and hungry.

As much as I wish I could say I have dinner at The Gute frequently, I don’t. Dinner in The Bottom doesn’t draw me, and that’s a shame. The juvenile seediness of this part of town is a deterrent.

I don’t know why I prefer daytime Bottom feeding. The Farmers’ Market isn’t much of an attraction, especially in the winter. What kind of farmers’ market sells non-indigenous produce? The banana displays threw me, until I realized that many of the vendors have been grandfathered in and they specialize not in growing food, but in buying wholesale.

Too bad they don’t offer sugar cane.

But, the tableaus of friendly farmers, and the real, live greens-growing ones, who number more and more in the summer, keep bringing me back downtown to wander the rows.

At night, the image is just not that friendly. It’s decrepit and fallen and has seen better days. Shockoe Bottom is downtown’s Grey Gardens.

If you’re of positive mind, venture to the Bottom for dinner. You’ll find a lot of lovely little treats at Café Gutenberg. They have a nice selection of inexpensive Old Word wines and imported beers, as well as local produce, as in the local vegetables fondue, $8, a plate of tubers and winter vegetables, steamed and served with Vermont cheddar gravy and good, crusty bread.

Or, if you want something more substantial, the flat iron steak, $14, is killer beefy, served tender, with a warm bacon salad and those steamy house fries.

But you won’t find me. I’m out of The Bottom by 3:10, just as the producer mongers are packing up. There’s another gravy train to ride uptown and I can always get bananas at Ukrop’s.

Café Gutenberg ***1/4

1700 E. Main St.

(804) 497-5000

What’s in the Stars:

0—don’t go

*-average

** above average

*** very good

**** excellent dining experience

Imagine learning to process caviar in Russia after a childhood of Cup-a-Soup. Needless to say, Varmit Pickeral was inspired. Thus began 20 years of restaurant gypsy-hood, beginning with Varmit’s first job as a dishwasher in an institutional kitchen and then trying out most any job Varmit could get in the hospitality industry, including; NC BBQ pit line-cook, cheese steward at Artisanal in Manhattan, grape picker, and specialty buyer for Balducci’s Food Lover’s Market in Northern Virginia.