Little Love Lies

The genre of romantic comedy, while a guilty pleasure of mine (and just about every woman with a pulse), is one of the most destructive and unrealistic movie genres ever.

Sure, sci-fi films are a little out there. Action-adventure flicks, too. But the ridiculous ending of "Speed 2: Cruise Control" holds more veracity and authenticity than that of almost any "rom-com" ending. In "Notting Hill," Julia Roberts’ character, a megastar American actress, falls madly in love with a bumbling, sheepish travel bookshop owner and they live happily ever after. That would never happen. Ever.

If Harry met Sally in real life, they probably would have slept together, ruined their friendship, and avoided each other like the plague from there on out. And, statistically, there is no way eight—EIGHT—interrelated couples’ storylines would have happy endings, like in "Love Actually." No, a cruise liner docking ungracefully 1.5 miles into the city center is way more believable than this romantic hullabaloo Hollywood would have us buy into.

While women (and some men) will continue to use romantic comedies as a form of escapism, we must watch with caution and be wary to take away any "lessons" from these hearts-and-rainbows types of films. There’s a fine line between crushing hard on Ryan Gosling in "The Notebook" and crushing hard on Noah Calhoun, Ryan Gosling’s character in "The Notebook."

Enjoy the eye candy, but check your notions of predestined love, perfect, instantaneous relationships and fate at the door. 

The "Notting Hill" effect has become such an intrinsic part of the romance zeitgeist, that we often believe other ridiculous preconceived notions about love in our day-to-day lives, as well. In an effort to soften the harsh blow of reality and rejection, we often tell ourselves Love Lies. And usually, we believe them.

Perhaps the jig is up, and it’s time to address a few of these Love Lies: 

1) "He’s just intimidated by you." So, you’re a successful, smart, independent gal. Though you’ve seemingly got it all, the object of your affection is steering clear. You have convinced yourself that he is simply overwhelmed and overawed by you and your successes. Not so. A real man will be impressed by your accomplishments and see it as a reason to respect you, not fear you. Fluffy lies about intimidation, and "just being shy," and "just really swamped with work," may make us feel better, but the fact of the matter is "He’s Just Not That Into You." Sad, but true.

2) "It’s not you, it’s me." Translation: it absolutely is you. And, anyone who is still using this god-awful dumping line deserves to be water-boarded. So lame. 

3) Justifying your activity-free, silent BlackBerry. It’s been a week since your date. You’ve received no post-date texts, phone calls, BBMs or even friendly pokes on Facebook. No, the Verizon network isn’t down, his battery didn’t die, and you didn’t accidentally give him the wrong number. It’s just not going to happen. Period.  

We all need to start being more cognizant at the end of the date, which, admittedly, can be nearly impossible after too many extra-dirty martinis. Take a hard look at the social and behavioral clues your date is giving you. "That was fun," does not constitute committing to a second date, nor does, "I’ll call you." Trust me. If your date is not clearly proactive about the possibility of seeing you again, cut your losses and shut it down. Accept it. Respect it. Move on. 

4) "Girlfriend Schmirlfriend" (and vice versa): In my experience, many guys with girlfriends (and vice versa) are major flirts. It’s like having your cake and eating it, too. You have all the perks of being in a relationship, but get to (harmlessly) flirt whenever your significant other is conveniently elsewhere. This can get you into some major trouble, though. It’s easy to misinterpret "harmless" flirting as romantic interest, and convince ourselves that his current sweetie is disposable (enter you, the fabulous new girlfriend!). This is almost never the case, and more often than not it causes more pain, for both parties, than pleasure. And, if you’re really unlucky, you might even stir up some trouble of the Glenn Close variety in Fatal Attraction. No one wants that. 

Stay away from other people’s cake and enjoy your individually sized cupcake, instead.

5) "It’s different this time!" There will always be those people you go back to time and time again. Wide-eyed and full of hope, you truly believe it might be different this time. Those little annoying flaws from last time will magically disappear. Their eternal flakiness and tendency to screw you over will have vanished. After all of your trials and tribulations, you have overcome, and the forecast is blue skies and calm seas ahead.

Wrong.

People don’t magically change, and neither do destructive relationship patterns. If it was bad the first time around, chances are it’s not going to end well the third, fifth, or eightieth time, either. Cut your losses and don’t look back.

These little white lies are mostly harmless, but we’re really only lying to ourselves. Though there may be a deficiency of men on white horses, real life fairy godmothers and uncontaminated happily-ever-afters, real life ain’t so bad either. Therefore, we need to trust and believe in reality, so when the magic moments actually happen once in a blue moon, we can recognize them, appreciate them, and treasure them…until the next one comes along.

**Don’t forget to come see us Monday, Feb. 8 for "Cocktails with Caroline" at the very fabulous Balliceaux restaurant. Click here for details!

Caroline is a 25-year-old single girl living in the Fan. She works in PR for a nonprofit by day and moonlights as Richmond.com's dating columnist. To learn more about Caroline, visit http://carolinesplate.com, on Twitter @carolinesplate, or you can most likely find her out on the town on a Friday night.