Richmond v. Richman

Somewhere in a Richmond hotel a few months back when the Travel Channel’s Adam Richman came to town, I imagine a bathroom “scene” more horrifying than the one in “Psycho.”

When you’re an out-of-towner going on an RVA food bender taking down Caliente’s Stupid Wings, Buz and Ned’s ribs, and Black Sheep’s U.S.S. Brooklyn (A two-foot, 2 ½-lb. baguette stuffed with peach chutney, jerked chicken, homemade slaw and roasted banana ketchup), you’re more than likely calling housekeeping afterward. And they’re more than likely calling an army of Roto-Rooter vans.

But enough with the potty humor. On Wednesday’s episode of “Man v. Food,” Richmond’s bar and restaurant scene was on display as the Travel Channel’s resident stunt eater came to town to visit the kitchens and dining rooms of three popular joints. Richman, a kitchen vagabond who boasts holding every job in the industry, is gut-deep in the second season of his hot show that combines revealing kitchen tours and dining room food challenge pep rallies.

The 30-minute episode first showed Brooklyn native Richman visiting the Boulevard, returning to the scene of celebrity chef Bobby Flay’s famous slaying by Buz and Ned pit master Buz Grossberg. There the host gnawed on hickory and oak smoked spare ribs. Then Richman popped into Black Sheep, the Carver hotspot that opened in 2008 and serves piled-high battleship sandwiches named after real-life military cruisers by co-owners Kevin Roberts and Amy Hess.

But the main attraction was Caliente, where I’ve had several great meals but have never even heard about the featured challenge food – the Stupid Wings Challenge. Appropriately, Caliente is located in Devil’s Triangle, as the eight super-sized wings are dipped in habanero, cayenne pepper and drizzled with five eye-dropper pulls of pure capsaicin extract – the stuff that makes peppers more evil than clowns. Sure, that’s enough alone to make your make your stomach do the Electric Slide. But there’s more: Proprietor Dave Bender’s “container of bad judgment,” where leftover marinade from orders of the days of yore stews and grows “exponentially hotter.” Sharing an order sounds like the worst first date since Philip Glass karaoke.

Surrounded by a bevy of hipsters (tight-jean-wearers), Snaggers (SnagAJob.com employees) and half-cocked onlookers, Richman began the Stupid Wing Challenge with pomp, circumstance and hopefully enough Rolaids to choke Gilbert Grape’s mom. While he paused at wing six – either for drama or for a needed gastrointestinal intermission – Richman ponied up to down the final two deadly drumettes.

The crowd cheered, and he won an “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt and a free meal. Plus, the victory put Richman in rarified company; only 30 of the 300 contestant have downed all eight wings. Lucky him.

“This wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done,” Richman said to the camera after definitely not licking his fingers. “This is one stupid day for man.”

Richmond done good on the Travel Channel. And now three more gastronomic landmarks can join the RVA Cable TV Hall of Fame alongside Dot’s Back Inn and ... Buz & Ned’s? Again?! Dammit, let’s get some fresh foodie haunts on the boob tube the next time Anthony Bourdain has to go to his great-aunt’s funeral in Colonial Heights.

Check out “Man vs. Food” Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on the Travel Channel before Adam Richman dies of a stroke during a yoga session.

And check out “Boulevard & Broad” weekly for what’s hot or not in the River City.