@carolinesplate #Set-Ups: A Discussion on Set-Ups via Social Media

So, you’ve got the Itch. No, not that kind of itch. That would require actually having some sort of human contact (albeit with a disease-infested lovah.) Everyone’s had the Itch at some point or another in their adult lives, and it almost always seems to be accompanied by the slightly desperate (but all-too-familiar) sentence: "It’s been a while."

After the post-breakup mourning period has passed, most new Singles start stretching their wings again— going out with friends, getting back to the gym and spending some QT with Numero Uno - yourself. Your friends start falling comfortably back in their role of the Relationship Replacements, and all is well.

However, after a few weeks or even months of this College Part II lifestyle (and a hard look at your dwindling bank account), the first symptoms of the Itch start to appear, and no amount of Orange Crush Bombs nor nights in with Netflix seem to soothe it. It’s time to start looking for other anecdotes.

For some, the sometimes trusty one-night stand may seem to be a cure-all, yet it only temporarily masks the Itch, leaving it to return later after its affects have worn off (kind of like Benadryl).

For others, 2 a.m. phone calls to an ex-fling may also seem like the way to go, though it’s almost always accompanied by the next morning forehead-slap and an oath to leave your phone at home the next time you hit the bar. More likely, though, comes the all-too-familiar question posed to everyone you know: "Don’t you have any cute, single friends?"

In theory, the concept seems ingenious: turning to someone you know and like, assuming they in turn will present you with someone they know and like: your potential Prince (or Princess) Charming. Pretty simple, right? And what a lovely little story it will be for the grandkids!

No. Set-Ups are dangerous, chancy and sometimes downright cruel. The Man Child Fiasco was the result of a set-up and we all know how that turned out. Realizing that I may be slightly biased, I decided to hit the social media streets (read: fuel my Facebook and Twitter addictions) and get some opinions from the masses on being set-up.

The Naysayers

@carolinesplate being set up is tough! But to me, it always reveals the perception the person doing the "setting up" has of me

@carolinesplate if they send me out with some guy I think is just completely not my type-I wonder what the matchmaker must really think of me

@carolinesplate other than that- the guy is in "date mode" and knows to be on his best behavior. Even then they typically disappoint.

@bethpetty, 25, Richmond (via Twitter):

@carolinesplate How do you sum up the horrors of blind dating in 160 characters or less? Impossible feat.

@carolinesplate if ur friend sets you up with a "great guy" she really is setting u up with someone she has deemed not dateable for herself

@ladycamos, 24, Danville (via Twitter):

@carolinesplate awkward if a mutual friend sets you up and you aren't into the guy... what to tell your friend, who thinks he's wonderful?

T., 25, Washington, D.C. (via Facebook):

My opinion on set-ups is that it’s awkward and rarely works. Because it’s forced, when you meet someone for the first time you both feel awkward and sometimes you hardly speak. Or, one person likes the other more (usually the girl).

D., 30, Richmond (via Google Talk)

D.: I guess I just don't like the forced awkwardness

D.: like you're looking at each other, and instead of thinking "is this person fun or cool?" you're thinking "would I wanna bang this person?"

D.: seems so forced

D.: plus it makes me question the sanity of the person who set me up in the first place if it goes bad

C., 25, New York, NY (via Google Talk)

C.:  I'm not really a fan of the set up, specifically setting people up

C.:  I don't like to be responsible when it doesn't work out (which in my opinion, set ups rarely work out)

The Yea-sayers

"I went to a bar one night to meet some friends and one friend said, ‘I'm going to try and hook you up with my coworker, that blond guy over there.’ I checked him out and told her, ‘Err thanks, but that bartender is a lot cuter!’  She ended up setting me up with him instead... and 3 years later, I married him! (I hear ‘The Intended,’ as I like to refer to him, is still single).

The Consultant, 26, Richmond (via Google Talk)

T.C.: Being set up is different than just meeting someone because you already know you are at least starting on the same page. The book is open and waiting to be written.

T.C.: Thanks to Facebook, there is no such thing as a blind date. Now they are just pre arranged first encounters. If the person agrees to meet, you already know they at least think you are cute.

T.C.: The physical connection is there, the confidence is there, and it’s easier to make a, ugh, I hate to say it, emotional connection when the physical one is already obvious

R., 23, Charlotte (via Google Talk)

R.: I’m one of the few who really likes them. I swear I am going to meet my wife that way

R.: I don’t have enough confidence to meet a girl at a bar, but if I am introduced to her I’m golden

T., 26, Richmond (via Google Talk)

T.: If two people are set up by a mutual friend, then that usually means the person you're about to go out with isn’t totally crazy. Otherwise, your friend wouldn't have set you up with them.

T.:  And, you learn something about how other people think of you, depending on the kind of person they set you up with

G., 25, Washington, DC (via Google Talk)

G.: Well, disclaimer, I’ve never been set up. But in the here and now I would definitely have to see a picture of the person, as opposed to say 20 years ago where it was really blind faith that your friend wasn't playing a sick joke

G.: It’s a sign of the times, things are different. You can know more about someone before ever meeting them because the internet, in a variety of ways, pre-screens.

G.: do I support blind dating? I mean sure, but if you're asking how personally willing I'd be, it would come with more conditions than the old concept "blind dating" from 20 years ago or so. So, you aren’t really talking about the same thing.

Caroline’s Final Tweets:

Though the Set-Up might be a feared entity, it can also be exciting, scary, nerve-wracking, romantic, horrible, fabulous, and sometimes, all of the above. There’s no harm in giving it a shot. If you enjoy yourself but don’t feel the chemistry, you’ll probably find yourself with a new friend. If you find yourself running out of the restaurant like a banshee to get away from your date, at least you’ll have some hilarious stories to report back to your posse.

What are YOUR thoughts on being set-up? Post your thoughts and opinions in the comments section below.

Caroline is a 25-year-old single gal living in the Fan.  She works in PR for a non-profit by day and moonlights as Richmond.com's female dating columnist every Thursday.  To learn more about Caroline visit  http://www.carolinesplate.com, on Twitter @carolinesplate, or you can most likely find her out in the Fan on a Friday night.