The Laws of Girl Code

On Sunday night, thousands of teenagers and teenagers-at-heart flanked the streets outside of Manhattan’s legendary Radio City Music Hall.  They screamed, cried, and waved at their favorite celebrities clad in Marchesa, Dior, and in Lady GaGa’s case, some kind of strange, bloody, sea monkey ensemble. Music, Moonmen and madness ensued at the 25th annual MTV Video Music Awards, and as usual, the audience had to expect the unexpected.

This year’s water-cooler conversation piece came from none other than rapper Kanye West.  Famous for his exploitations and explosively abrasive personality, West did not disappoint with his tactless antics.  His victim was 17-year old country darling Taylor Swift, when, after taking the stage to accept her “Best Female Video” moonman, she was interrupted by West jumping on stage, taking the microphone and telling her and the audience that Beyoncé was the truly worthy recipient of the coveted award.

Later in the show, Beyoncé accepted the moonman for “Video of the Year.”  Recounting her memorable first time at the VMAs when she too was 17, she graciously invited Taylor Swift back up on stage to finish her acceptance speech and have her moment.  A true star, Beyoncé exhibited class, grace and most importantly, she abided by the hallowed edicts of Girl Code.

Girl Code has existed for generations, protecting and preserving friendships from our estrogen-infused tendency towards cattiness.  Abide by Girl Code and you are sure to live a long, happy, drama-free life (at least when it comes to avoiding cat fights).  Beyoncé knows what’s up, and if you didn’t already know, now you can too.  As is only appropriate, we’ll break down a few of the laws of Girl Code using this year’s nominations for “Best Female Video.”

1.    Beyonce: “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)”

The Single Girl Code is the most complex and voluminous of all the Girl Code sections simply because of the nature of the beast.  When you are unattached, you are essentially in competition with all other single women, including your friends.

If you find yourself gunning for the same guys over and over again, work out a dibs system.  My friend J. and I, who have eerily similar taste in men, had to do this.  Take turns with who gets a head start.  If one of you has obviously caught the guy’s eye over the other, bow out gracefully.  There is nothing less classy or less attractive than two friends fighting over a guy.
Remember: No guy-- no matter how sexy, funny, or charming-- is worth the dissolution of a friendship.  Besides, if you keep ruining friendships fighting over guys, who will be left to be a bridesmaid in your wedding?

2.    Katy Perry: “Hot ‘N Cold”

Whether you’re borrowing a cozy cashmere sweater in the cold winter months, or a sassy cocktail dress for a summer wedding, get it dry-cleaned and returned within one week. No exceptions.

3.    Lady Gaga: “Poker Face”

Never come down with Boyfrienditis.  It’s contagious, can quarantine you from all human contact, and is grounds for public uproar, geared towards you.  Always make time for your friends and lead a balanced life.  Whether you plan a poker night every week, or make a vow to have Gossip Girl dates every Monday, keep a ritual with your friends and do your best to always honor it.

4.    Taylor Swift: “You Belong With Me”

Never, ever, under any circumstances date a friend’s ex.  That is all.

5.    Pink: “So What”

As I’ve said before, the Numbers Game can be a sticky situation.  Discussing each other’s “number” can be distracting, counterproductive and really, is just plain silly.  Whether you’ve slept with the equivalent of the population of a small country or next to no one, the reality is “so what?” It really doesn’t matter.  If a guy asks how many people you’ve been with, tell him it’s against Girl Code to reply.

The same thing goes for your girlfriends.  Never reveal a friend’s number to anyone else, male or female.  If you wouldn’t want yours broadcasted to the world, adhere to the same standards for your friends.

6.    Kelly Clarkson: “My Life Would Suck Without You”

If you’ve gone through a breakup, chances are you had your army of girlfriends, however big or small, rally around you to pull you out of the abysmal trenches of post-breakup depression.  They helped you put the pieces back together, realize that your life doesn’t suck without him, and that, actually, you’re probably better off without him.  And the house-calls from your friends bearing Ben & Jerry’s certainly doesn’t hurt, either.

Always remember who was there to pull you up by the bootstraps and be sure to repay the favor when they’re down in the dumps.  If a friend had a horrendous day at work, bring over a bottle of wine and your Always Sunny in Philadelphia DVDs to cheer her up.  The little things go a long way.

The Laws of Girl Code is a capacious, complicated, and compulsory tome for all women.  To be part of this sisterhood and blessed with friends is a wonderful thing, so honor it.  Whether you’re married, single, or sworn off men forever, remember: “a friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.”

Caroline is a 25-year-old single girl living in the Fan.  She works in PR for a non-profit by day and moonlights as Richmond.com's dating columnist every Thursday.  To learn more about Caroline visit http://carolinesplate.com, on Twitter @carolinesplate, or you can most likely find her out in the Fan on a Friday night.