Confessions of a Twitter Reject

I’ve had more than my fair share of rejection in life. In fact, before I finally settled down, I’m pretty sure I held the record for getting broken up with the most times in one year. It was the year I was 26 and I got dumped, on average, once every five weeks.

I did the math. Sometimes I had a relationship that lasted a full month, other times it was just a date or two, occasionally it fell somewhere in the middle.

But now, thanks to Twitter, I’ve officially had the shortest relationship of my life.

I never thought I’d be a Twitterer. Then again, I never thought I’d get a Facebook page, IM, write a blog or carry a cell phone. But times change, technology changes, and eventually there’s nothing left to do but get onboard.

Besides, I work in "new media" and part of new media, as far as I can deduce, is to spend as much time social networking as I spend actually producing the content that I’m to social network about.

In short, it was time. And the timing couldn’t have been better.

I’d been flirting with Twitter for quite a while. I’d checked it out, using other people’s accounts to see if I liked what I saw; I’d googled it and asked friends of friends what they thought. But this week I had a hair appointment, meaning a professional would be brushing and styling my hair. Meaning, of course, that I was profile picture ready.

What can I say; I’m a girl.

So I dove in. At 3:04 p.m. on Wednesday, Sept. 2, I signed up for Twitter. I was @KarriPeifer and I took to it like a fish to water. My coworkers, @cshepscorp, @andrew_cothern, @beefynoodles and @richmonddotcom, helped me get set up, offering helpful advice like "stop saying ‘friend,’ you don’t friend anyone;" "there’s no such thing as a Twitter Wall" and "this is like teaching my grandma how to use the computer."

But I persevered. I IMed, Facebooked, emailed and texted my friends to let them know that I was now available on Twitter; I followed, they followed, we tweeted and it was all a glorious time.

It was like I was meant for Twitter. @LaurenEubank even tweeted me to say, "wow you are already funny on Twitter. I'm not going to lie, I am impressed!"

I was a better me on Twitter: pithier, funnier, and proficient almost immediately.

By 5 p.m. I had over 50 followers (and I followed them all right back). I’d tweeted 21 times. And when I logged off the day, I was smiling and contented by my new Twitter relationship. I couldn’t wait for day two.

But a second chance with Twitter, it seemed, was not in the cards for me. At 9:58 p.m., less than seven hours after my first Twitter encounter, I was shut out. Suspended, in Twitterverse language. My account was taken offline, my followers removed, and a harsh warning label alerting me to the suspension was stamped over the account that only I could see.

Why? I wanted to know why. What did I do wrong? Did I offend Twitter in some way? I thought Twitter and I were getting along swimmingly but instead, less than seven hours after we first met, I had been slapped down and rejected by the micro-blogging site most famous for publishing the inane, insignificant ramblings of inconsequential people.

And I didn’t make the cut?

I wouldn’t stand for that. I messaged Twitter. Just a little note to say that there must be some misunderstanding – I thought I’d twittered just fine, so where, I wanted to know, did I go wrong?

Twitter responded with a canned, auto-reply, telling me it was all my fault; that, yes, I did something wrong. They even provided a list of things I likely did wrong. It was up to me to review the list and choose for myself. Then Twitter closed out my request and told me to be on my way.

But I persisted. I didn’t think I did anything wrong and, if I did, I was sorry. Could I have another chance?

Twitter is thinking about it.

So I turned to friends for help and they were on Twitter’s side. I must have misbehaved in some way: Did I cuss, they all wanted to know (I did not. Not once. I swear it). Did I make threats or otherwise use hostile language (the first time around, in a public place, never!). Well I must have done something, they insisted.

The overall consensus, and the one that seems most likely, is that I talked too much. Or, rather, I talked back too much. For anyone who knows me, it’s as likely as my cussing. Maybe even more so. But still, it was an innocent mistake.

When people tweeted me, I tweeted back. I thought I was supposed to. I thought it would be rude to ignore a tweet, especially when it was written expressly to me. But apparently that’s wrong. I’m not supposed to @reply (write back) to people. At least not 20 times in two hours. That’s what IM is for or DM (direct message). Or is DM like email?

But then I thought Twitter was supposed to be a conversation, unlike Facebook, where you just post status updates. So if 20 @replies are too many, how many is just right?

I still don’t know and now I might never know. Twitter didn’t even give me a chance. It just took one look at me, endured two hours of my nervous chatter, and kicked me to the curb.

So why do I still want in? Am I a masochist? If Twitter wants me back, should I say yes? Will Twitter give me a chance to learn this time and, if so, will I always be on guard with it? I guess it’s up to me to figure that out.

In the meantime though, does anyone know any good social networking sites? I'm in the market for one.